Hi,
This week, I’m answering a question about kids who do things that tend to push away peers. I also have exciting news to share: My picture book, Moody Moody Cars has been released!!! Check out the brief video below on why it’s so important for kids to learn to recognize and communicate about emotions.
Warm wishes,
Moody Moody Cars is out!
(97 sec)
Available wherever books are sold, including:
Bookshop (support Indie booksellers), Amazon, and B&N.
This week’s question:
When your child annoys other kids
Q: My 9-year-old son is a great kid: he’s kind, creative, and fun. But when he’s around other kids his age, he acts up. He’s usually trying to be funny, but he ends up annoying everyone. It breaks my heart to see other kids not wanting to play with him. How can I teach him to be calmer around peers?
Sometimes kids are their own worst enemy when it comes to friendship. This can be very frustrating and upsetting for parents to watch!
Resist the temptation to correct him in front of other kids. Research (and common sense) says that can hurt his reputation with peers. If needed, you can pull him aside to speak privately, but your best bet is to try to help him avoid doing things that bother his peers. Here are some ideas that could be useful to share with your son:
Choose kindness over humor
We all love being around people who make us laugh, but humor is very difficult to do well. It requires a sophisticated understanding of what people expect and how to counter those expectations without going to far. Kids who struggle socially rarely get this right. And, when attempts at humor are even just a little bit off, they’re not funny; they’re annoying.
Instead of trying to be funny, a safer bet is to try to be kind. It’s hard to mess up kindness. Try brainstorming with your son about acts of kindness he could do for classmates or other kids. Focus on helping, sharing, cooperating, and offering genuine compliments. For instance, he could let someone else go first, or tell someone, “Nice catch!” (You may need to warn him not to give away money or favorite possessions. Real friends can’t be bought.)
You may want to create a list of his acts of kindness each day. This could be accumulating evidence for a different view of himself.