This week’s Q&A post is about the tricky dilemma of figuring out when and how to speak up.
Q: My daughter is nine. She has a friend who is a nice girl but tends to boss my daughter around. It’s nothing mean, but they end up watching the movie the other girl wants and playing the game the other girl wants and wearing the Halloween costume the other girl wants, and having the other girl go first, etc. My daughter is an easygoing kid. She says she doesn’t mind doing what the other girl wants, and she considers her a good friend. To me, the friendship seems very lop-sided. I also worry about my daughter growing up to be a doormat. How do I help her learn to stick up for herself?
This is an interesting dilemma. From your daughter’s perspective, the friendship is working, but as her parent, you can see the obvious downside of giving in all the time.
First, let’s give your daughter some credit here: being able to go along to get along is an important friendship skill. If the issues truly don’t matter to your daughter and they do to her friend, it’s kind and generous of her to do what the friend wants.
Although the friendship seems lop-sided, it may be that your daughter is getting something out of this arrangement. Maybe the friend has good ideas. Maybe your daughter enjoys not having to make decisions and letting her friend decide.
Your concern, though, is important.