Hi, This week’s question is about cyberbullying.
I also have a new webinar I think you’ll enjoy: it’s a recording of a presentation I gave recently for a live audience on Friendship in the Digital Age—a complicated topic that’s on a lot of parents’ minds. Check it out here.
Does YOUR KID have a question about friendship?
Starting in January, I’ll be answering questions from kids about friendships. Answers will be available for all subscribers to Open Door for Parents.
Adults, please use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Please hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state: 1) their FIRST NAME, 2) their AGE, and 3) a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not mention any friends' names.)
Email the audio file to DrF@EileenKennedyMoore.com. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Warm wishes,
Q: My daughter asked to miss school after getting a barrage of texts in a group chat from “friends” and even people she doesn’t know accusing her of spreading rumors. She swore she didn’t spread any rumors and was very upset that everyone was ganging up on her, but when I insisted on seeing the whole chat, her comments were unkind, too. I didn’t let her stay home from school, and things seem to be settling down, but I’m wondering, what can I do to protect my child from cyberbullying and also make sure she doesn’t do it?
Ouch. There’s a special kind of awfulness when meanness happens online. Because it’s so public–and often anonymous–it leaves kids feeling vulnerable and exposed. It can spread rapidly, and it follows kids home, even into their bedrooms.
The variety of ways that kids can be nasty to each other online boggles the imagination: TikToks making fun of someone, kicking someone out of a group chat, harsh comments about someone’s post, screenshots of supposedly private conversations that are shared with others, unflattering photos posted publicly without permission… Even posts that seem okay on the surface, such as a smiling photo with a comment saying, “Having fun with my BFFs” could be an intentional dig at someone who was excluded from the get-together.
Kids experiment with social power, and their empathy isn’t fully developed, so, unfortunately, cruelty is common both online and in person.
Probably every kid has made or will make mistakes by doing or saying something less than kind online. Often this is part of a poorly handled conflict. Even we adults sometimes have trouble keeping it civil and constructive when we’re upset. But most of us have figured out that broadcasting our upset isn’t helpful!
When a group of kids is targeting one kid, or when a more socially powerful kid picks on a less powerful kid, especially if it happens repeatedly, then it’s bullying. That power difference is what makes it difficult or impossible for the targeted kid to handle the situation on their own.
Here are some ideas that could help your child avoid or deal with online meanness and cyberbullying: