Q: My kids are good kids, but sometimes I worry that they’re ungrateful. Often, when I or another family member do something special for them, they don’t even think to say thank you. Sometimes I resent that they don’t appreciate my efforts. It’s also embarrassing when I have to remind them to thank relatives. I don’t want to raise spoiled or entitled kids. What can I do to help them be genuinely grateful?
Please consider upgrading to a paid subscription to get access to the full archive of posts plus a coupon each month for $20 off a live or recorded webinar. (Please use the monthly option.)
There’s lots of research showing that gratitude in adults makes us feel happier. However, through many years of insisting that my children write thank you notes, I never saw that fill them with joy. But I still think it’s important to teach kids the importance of saying “Thank you.”
Kids don’t necessarily see adult effort. You know the thought, time, and energy that went into doing something special for them, but from a child’s perspective, adults are always doing things they can’t do to take care of them. They may not realize when something was a special effort.
Because their perspective-taking skills are still developing, kids also may not recognize the times when it’s appropriate to say thank you, why it’s important to do so, and the impact on relationships if they don’t.
Here are some ideas to help your child learn the important skill or expressing gratitude: