When Your Child… Was Bullied and You’re Still Anxious
How to help your child–and you–move past bullying
Q: Last fall, my son was bullied very badly by a group of boys who constantly made fun of him. It was so awful! Kids were literally telling him he should go in a hole and die. Fortunately, that ended, thanks to intervention by the school and the fact that the ringleader moved away. The problem is, both he and I are anxious about it happening again. It hasn’t, but every time anything even slightly less than positive happens with a classmate, there’s the worry, “Is this going to turn into bullying?” I don’t want him to be scarred for life by what happened! How do I help him (and me) move past the bullying?
I am so sorry to hear that your son–and you–went through this! And I’m very glad that it’s stopped. That’s the first, crucial step toward recovery.
After such a horrible experience, it makes sense that your son and you would be on high alert, scanning the environment for danger, hoping to prevent it from happening again. With time, and continued lack of danger, that’s likely to ease. If it doesn’t, and the anxiety is interfering with eating, sleeping, and daily life, you may want to consult a mental health professional.
We can’t erase painful experiences, but we can create new, more positive experiences on top of them. Helping your son build or strengthen friendships where he feels known and valued could go a long way in easing his (and your) upsetting memories.
Kids make friends by doing fun things together. Help your son figure out what he enjoys doing that he could do with other kids. Maybe there’s a club, activity, or class he’d like to join. One-on-one get-togethers are a great way to deepen friendships. Having good friends could also help make him less of a target for future bullying.
One of the most important ways that we, as parents, influence our children is by