Blake, Age 13: Make friends with different interests

Blake wants to know how to make friends with kids who have different interests than he does.

I’ll be off next week for the holiday weekend. Happy 4th of July to everyone who celebrates!

Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.

---

You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 15 - Evie, Age 9: What is a close friend?

Ep. 49 - Charlotte, Age 8: Feeling different and rejected

Ep. 35 - Ryan, Age 11: Peers put down his interests

---

Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?

Here are three ways you can support it:

1. Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.

2. Send in your child’s question.

3. Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get free access to an online workshop each month.)

---

Would YOUR kid enjoy being featured on the podcast?

Adults, please use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:

1. their FIRST NAME (or another first name),

2. their AGE, and

3. a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)

Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

---

Think About It Questions to discuss with your child

For a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.

• What interest or activity do you enjoy that has helped you (or could help you) make friends?

• Why is pretending to be interested in something when you’re not a bad strategy for trying to make friends? (Hint: How might other kids react when they find out that you’re just pretending to be interested?)

• Have you ever picked up a new interest or activity because a friend likes it? What happened? 

• If you want to pick up a new interest, why is it a good idea to try to learn about it a bit on your own, instead of just asking people about it?

• What is the difference between being friendly versus being friends with someone?

---

Transcript

Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.

Here’s today’s question:

Hi, my name is Blake. And my question is, how do I make friends with people that have different interests as me?

Hi, Blake! Thanks for sending in your question! I think it’s great that you want to make new friends. Kids make friends by doing fun things together. So, building friendships with kids who have different interests than you do can be challenging!

You could try faking that you like the things they like, but I think you know that’s not really an option. Being dishonest doesn’t create closeness. Besides, at some point they’d probably figure out that you’re not really interested in whatever it is, and then they’d feel confused or annoyed that you were pretending to like it. 

Another option is to develop a real interest in the things they like. Learning more about their favorite topics could help you understand why they like it and become more interested in it yourself. 

Let’s say the other kids like a certain sports team, and you don’t know much about that team. You could start by trying to learn more about the team on your own: Who are the players? What are their strengths and weaknesses? How has the team been performing lately? What happened in their last game? Who are they playing next? 

Learning some things on your own shows you’re willing to put in effort to understand their favorite topic Then you could try asking them questions to show that you’re eager to learn more. You don’t have to be the expert. Just be an enthusiastic newbie. Your new interest in the team could help you connect with the other kids. 

You can be friendly with most other kids. That’s a kind thing to do. But to become friends with someone you have to have something in common that lets you enjoy each other’s company. 

Getting to know kids who have different interests can help you develop new interests and expand your friendship options. And you might discover that you have more in common with them than you thought!

But you might also want to look for friends who already share your interests. What do you like to do that you could do with other kids? Maybe you could find a club or activity based on your interests, or maybe you could invite someone over to do a favorite activity together. 

Friendships grow through having fun together. Finding or building common ground helps you do that.

This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. If you have a question about making and keeping friends that you’d like me to answer, go to DrFriendtastic.com, and click on the podcast tab to see how to submit your question. 

You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.

---

The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.