Kenna wonders what to do to keep a friend safe.
Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
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Ep. 40 - Vihaan, Age 6: Friendly brother also acts wild
Ep. 31 - Mila, Age 10: When someone tries to be annoying
Ep. 23 - Gage, Age 9: Play fighting versus real fighting
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Adults, please use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Think About It Questions to discuss with your child
For a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Have you ever been in a situation where you thought a friend was in danger? What happened? How did you handle it?
What are some reasons why kids sometimes do things that are unsafe?
Safety is important, but sometimes kids can be too careful, meaning they don’t want to do things if there’s even a tiny possibility of danger or discomfort. What do you think would be an example of being too careful? How could being too careful be a problem?
Dr. Friendtastic says, “Preventing dangerous situations is usually easier than dealing with them after they’ve happened.” Do you agree? Why or why not?
Why might standing near a teacher or a group of friends be useful for preventing problems with someone who is acting too rough?
Transcript
Welcome! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.
Here’s today’s question:
Hi, My name’s Kenna. I'm 7 years old and this is my question: If someone was about to get hurt what would you do?
Hi, Kenna! First, let me say, thank you for caring enough to want to do something to prevent another kid from getting hurt! That’s very kind of you.
If the danger is happening or is just about to happen, your best bet is probably to yell loudly to get the attention of an adult.
You don’t say how your friend might get hurt, but there are two main ways this could happen.
The first way is your friend might be doing something unsafe.
In that case, you could yell, “Stop! That’s dangerous!” Or, you might want to tell your friend, “Hold onto the railing!” or “Duck your head!’ Saying a specific thing that she should do is more helpful than a vague, general comment like “Be careful.”
If your friend doesn’t listen, and you believe she’s truly in danger, run to tell an adult what’s happening. Your friend might not like this, but safety has to be our first concern. Even if your friend gets mad that you told, it’s likely that she’ll come to realize that your actions came from a caring place.
The second main way your friend could get hurt is if someone else is being too rough.
In that case, you need to decide whether it’s safe for you to get involved directly. If you think it is, you could yell, “Stop it! That’s mean!” or “Get your hands off her!” If you’re loud enough, other kids will turn to look at the kid who’s acting rough, and an adult might come running over.
If you don’t think you can safely call out the kid who is acting rough–maybe because you’re worried about becoming a target yourself–then you may need to run and find an adult to tell what’s going on.
So, there are some general principles here about safety: First, good friends look out for each other. Second, dangerous situations often require adult help.
There’s one more principle to think about: Preventing dangerous situations is usually easier than dealing with them after they’ve happened.
So how could you do this? Well, if your friend has made some not-so-safe choices in the past, it might be worth having a conversation, at a neutral time, and saying something like, “I don’t like it when you do that. I’m scared that you’ll get hurt.”
If your friend says, “Oh, it’s no big deal!” you could say, “Well, it matters to me because I care about you.” You can’t control what your friend does, but it might help to suggest safer and more fun activities you could do together.
If your friend is in danger because of someone else, at a time when there’s no danger, you might be able to brainstorm together about some ways to stay safe. Standing near a teacher or a group of friends might make your friend less of a target. Getting a grown-up’s help to figure out how to prevent problems might also be useful.
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. If you have a question about making and keeping friends that you’d like me to answer, go to DrFriendtastic.com, and click on the podcast tab to see how to submit your question.
Do you want to learn even more about friendship? Check out my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends, and my new book, Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
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