Hi,
Happy INTERdepence Day! I learned that term from Lisa Sibbet at The Auntie Blog. She writes,
“Today and every day, I’m celebrating interdependence by showing love as best I can to the people around me, and receiving their love and courage and wisdom in return.”
— Lisa Sibbet
Her article is beautiful, and it was exactly what I needed to read today.
I’m off for the holiday weekend, but here’s a re-release of an episode that seems particularly important in these difficult times. It’s about why friendships matter, how to know if you have good friends. and, most importantly, how to BE a good friend!!!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
P.P.S. Did you see the announcement about the Moody Moody Cars - Summer Car-Spotting Challenge?! So much fun! So many prizes!
You might also like these podcast episodes:
Ep. 97 - How and why to understand a friend’s feelings (Zoya, Age 7)
Ep. 92 - What to say when a friend is feeling down (Mason, Age 13)
Ep. 44 - Change self to make friends? (Vera, Age 8)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?
Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Send in YOUR kid’s question to be featured on the podcast!
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Think About It Questions to discuss with your child
For a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Why do you think having good friends makes it easier for kids to cope with stress? How has a friend been kind or helpful to you when you’ve had to deal with difficult situations?
How can too much conflict hurt a friendship?
Why do you think kids sometimes stick with a low-quality friendship (where there’s a lot of conflict and not much fun or closeness)?
What are some examples of things you’ve done to support or care for a friend?
Think of a time you had a friendship rough spot. How did you handle it?
Dr. Friendtastic says that learning to be a good friend “is a step toward peace and justice in the world.” Do you agree? Why or why not?
Transcript
Riddles are mental puzzles that usually require you to think beyond the obvious to solve them. Here are some for you to try:
What has teeth but can’t bite? Can you guess? It’s a comb!
What occurs twice in a week? This is a tricky one! The answer is: the letter E!
Here’s one more: What is weightless but takes two people to hold it?
Think about it! What can it be?
Here’s a hint: It’s my very favorite topic in the whole world.
I’ll say it again: What is weightless but takes two people to hold it?
Can you guess? Yes! The answer is: Friendship!
But why do I care about friendship so much? Listen to find out!
[intro]
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
I’m off for the holiday weekend, but I thought you might like to hear a re-release of an older episode. Here’s a question from Episode 47:
Hello, my name is Brayden. I am nine years old. My question today is, why is friendship important?
Hi, Brayden. Thank you for asking this question! In my psychology practice, through my books for parents and kids, and on this podcast, I spend a lot of time helping kids learn to build strong and caring friendships because I believe friendships are very important. So, thanks for giving me the chance to spell out why friendships matter so much.
Friends make the good times more fun and the hard times easier to bear.
Scientists have found that when kids have even one friend they like who likes them back, they feel happier and more confident, they cope better with stress, they’re more engaged in school, and they’re less likely to be bullied.
Friends can also help kids learn to become better, kinder people. Caring about a friend, or just wanting to continue playing with a friend, encourages kids to step beyond thinking only about what they want and consider someone else’s feelings.
But not all friendships are created equal! Researchers also talk about “friendship quality.” In low-quality friendships, there’s a lot of conflict and not much fun or closeness. They also might lead you to get in trouble or do things that you know aren’t right, like cheating or being mean to someone.
In high-quality friendships, kids have fun together, and they also trust each other with their private thoughts and feelings. They help and support each other, and they’re loyal and stick up for each other.
So, how do you know if you have good, high-quality friendships? Pay attention to how you feel when you’re with your friends. Good friendships feel good most of the time and bring out the best in you. Pay attention, also, to what you can give as a friend, not just what you get. What are you doing to support and care for your friends?
Even good friends sometimes have disagreements, mistakes, and misunderstandings. Figuring out how to work through those unavoidable friendship rough spots helps us become wiser and kinder. Trying to be a good friend can inspire us to talk and explain rather than yell, to listen and compromise rather than demand, to apologize and forgive rather than acuse. None of this is easy, but all of it can help our friendships grow even stronger.
There are a lot of problems in the world right now. To solve most of them, we need to be able to look at each other with kind eyes and treat each other with caring and respect. When you learn how to be a good friend, that’s a step toward peace and justice in the world. And that’s the most important thing of all.
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. Do you want to learn even more about friendship? Check out my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends, and my new book, Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
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