2 Questions to Ask Yourself for Effective Communication
Podcast Parent Note, Ep. 80
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2 Questions to Ask Yourself for Effective Communication
In this week’s Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast episode, Laina asked how to deal with a manipulative friend.
Here’s the link to the podcast episode, in case you missed it:
Unfortunately, I don’t know what the other kid did that Laina considers manipulative. Maybe the friend is lying or gossiping about Laina, or maybe she’s just pressuring her in a way that Laina finds uncomfortable. I focused on the latter possibility in the podcast.
“Manipulation” is a word I hear a lot in my practice. It can refer to anything from a kid whining or pitching a fit because they don’t want to do something to a relative making guilt-inducing statements when they don’t get what they want.
People accuse others, saying, “They want what they want when they want it!” Don’t we all?!
Often, what’s called manipulation is really just poor coping or communication skills.
With varying degrees of success, everyone tries to influence others. For instance, you might have been careful to choose the right moment to share bad news with a loved one, or presented the most compelling arguments you could come up with to persuade someone to do what you want, or even nagged someone repeatedly because they weren’t doing something they needed to do. None of this is malicious.
The difference between influence and manipulation reflects both intention and tactics. Influence has positive or neutral intentions–we’re not trying to hurt anyone–and the tactics are kind and fair. Manipulation involves tricking people to get what we want, and the tactics are sneaky and deceitful.
So how can we influence others?
There are two questions I ask kids (and adults) in my practice to consider before having an important or challenging conversation with someone important in their lives: