Hi,
Think of a time when you were dealing with stressful circumstances. How did friends or family members try to support you? What was most helpful? Was there something you wish they had done that they didn’t? Did anyone say or do something that was unhelpful to you? What did this experience teach you about how you’d like to support a friend who is struggling?
Figuring out how to support someone we care about can be tricky. Too much, too little, or the wrong kind of support can add to the person’s stress instead of helping.
In this week’s episode of the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, Sophia wants to know how to support a friend who has broken her leg. I talk about some important ways to be there for a friend.
Let me know what you think!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
P.P.S. This month’s online, recorded workshop is for kids: Dealing with Feelings About Friends!
You might also like these podcast episodes:
Ep. 24 - Olivia, Age 13: Some friendships have limits
Ep. 33 - Richard, Age 11: Best ways to show empathy
Ep. 37 - Saanvi, Age 12: What's the right gift for a friend?
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?
Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Would YOUR kid enjoy being featured on the podcast?
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Think About It Questions to discuss with your child
For a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Think of a time when you were dealing with something difficult and a friend supported you. What did your friend do? How did it make you feel?
What are some ways you have given practical support to a friend?
What are some ways you have given emotional support to a friend?
Why is it a good idea to ask a friend what kind of support they want?
What does Dr. Friendtastic mean when she says, “Don’t disappear!” when a friend needs support? (Hint: How would a friend feel if they get lots of support at first but then that support fades, even though the stressful situation continues?)
Transcript
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.
If you have a question about making and keeping friends that you’d like me to answer, go to DrFriendtastic.com, and click on the podcast tab to see how to submit your question.
Here’s today’s question:
Hello, My name is Sophia, and I’m 7-years old and I want to know what kind things could you do if your friend has broken her leg.
Hi, Sophia! What a kind question! I think it’s lovely that you want to support your friend! You are a good friend to recognize that she needs support and to want to provide it.
Having a broken leg is no fun! It hurts, and the cast is heavy and itchy, and hobbling around on crutches is uncomfortable and tiring!
There are two main types of support that you can offer your friend: practical support and emotional support.
Practical support is when you help her solve problems and do things that need doing. With a broken leg, that probably means helping her get around or carry stuff. For instance, you could help by opening doors for her, carrying her backpack, offering to carry her lunch tray in the cafeteria, or running to get something she needs.
Emotional support has to do with expressing care in a way that helps someone cope with their feelings. For instance, you could make her a card to show you’re thinking of her, or give her a small gift to help her cope with feeling bored, or visit her and play a game or do a puzzle together to help her feel a bit less lonely. You could listen when she complains about all the things she’s had to miss and say “Wow, that’s disappointing!” You could just accept any feelings she might have without insisting that she has to be cheerful!
I have two more tips that might be useful:
First, ask your friend how you can help. She’s the one who knows best what she wants or needs.
Second, don’t disappear! Often, when something bad happens, friends can be very supportive at the start, but then they get busy, or tired, or they forget, and they fade away, which leaves the person dealing with the difficult situation all on their own. On average, it takes six to eight weeks for a broken bone to heal. That’s a long time for your friend to be missing out on all her favorite activities! It will be easier for her to get through this if she knows you’ll be there for her for as long as it takes!
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
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