Hi,
“They’ll think I’m weird!”
“Everyone’s staring at me!”
“That’s so embarrassing!”
One of the benefits of becoming an adult is that these kinds of thoughts just don’t carry much weight anymore.
But for kids, they can loom large. Even the idea of being the center of peer attention and judgment can get them squirming!
In this week’s episode of the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I tackle Sara’s question about embarrassment.
Let me know what you think!
Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen
P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.
You might also like these podcast episodes:
Ep. 22 - Managing your social reputation (Scarlet, Age 13)
Ep. 52 - Friend's parents don't like him (Tyler, Age 12)
Ep. 49 - Feeling different and rejected (Charlotte, Age 8)
Do you love the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast?
Here are three ways you can support it:
Send in your child’s question!!!
Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.
Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)
Send in YOUR kid’s question to be featured on the podcast!
Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Think About It Questions to discuss with your child
For a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.
Think of a time when you felt embarrassed. What happened? How did you handle it?
What does it mean to “own your mistakes”? What is one way to do this?
Why is it sometimes uncomfortable for kids to be the center of attention? (Hint: What might they be afraid will happen?)
Why is it important not to argue or make excuses if someone gives you a compliment? What should you do instead?
Transcript
Have you ever watched a bloopers video? Bloopers are embarrassing mistakes. Usually there’s a serious situation, then something unexpected happens. Maybe someone is carefully carrying a big plate of donuts, then a dog runs by, the person trips, the donuts go flying, and the dog gets super happy because there are donuts all over the ground!
Bloopers can be funny to watch. But what if you’re the one who does the blooper? Eek! How embarrassing!
(Music & Intro)
Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.
If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.
Let’s listen to today’s question:
Hi, my name is Sara. I’m seven years old, and my question is, how do you get rid of embarrassments?
Hi, Sara! Thanks for sending in your question.
Embarrassment means feeling uncomfortably aware of other people noticing you. Unfortunately, we can’t get rid of embarrassment, but we can learn how to manage it.
Sometimes kids feel embarrassed when they make a mistake–a blooper. They may worry that everyone is judging them negatively. And sometimes, other kids actually do laugh at them.
The best way to handle mistake-related embarrassment is to own your mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, so they’re really not a big deal. If you make a mistake in front of other people, just say, “Oops!” and do what you can to make things right. Thank anyone who helps you, then move on, and put the mistake behind you. What’s done is done. We can only move forward.
What if someone keeps bringing up what you did wrong and teasing you about it? You could try agreeing with them in a neutral way. Admit the mistake without putting yourself down. You could say, “Yep, I made a mistake” or “Yeah, I should have done that differently.” “Uh-huh, I messed up.” These boring responses make it less likely that the teasing will continue.
Sometimes kids feel embarrassed when they’re the center of attention. For instance, they might feel uncomfortable about everyone looking at them when they have to give a presentation at school or when they get a haircut, or when they’re supposed to blow out the candles on their birthday cake. They don’t want to stand out.
The best way to handle center-of-attention embarrassment is to get lots of practice, so you get used to it. The first presentation might feel hard, but after you’ve done a bunch of them, they’re no big deal.
You can also remind yourself that only the people who care about you care about what you do. Think about how you feel when someone else does a class presentation. If it’s a friend, you’d probably pay attention to show support. If it’s someone you don’t know well, you probably aren’t that interested.
You might also want to remind yourself that your moment in the spotlight is usually pretty short. How long does it take to blow out birthday candles? Not that long. So you just have to be brave for a little bit.
Sometimes kids feel embarrassed when someone compliments them. Even though the comment is good, they feel uncomfortable about the attention.
Compliment-related embarrassment is the easiest kind to deal with because you just need to know what to do.
A compliment is like a little gift. What do you say when someone gives you a gift? Exactly! You say, “Thank you!”
So, if someone tells you they like your shirt or they think your penguin drawing is cool, don’t argue with them and tell them it’s terrible. That would be insulting their taste! Just smile and say, “Thanks!”
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.
The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
Share this post