This is our last podcast episode for 2023, but don’t worry! I’ll be back in January.
Instead of answering a kid question today, I decided to talk about four areas that are key to being a good friend. Help your child think about the different possibilities in each area.
Scroll down for a TRANSCRIPT plus how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION. You can always listen to podcast episodes right here in your email, where you’ll also receive transcripts and discussion questions, but please also subscribe to Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic on your favorite podcast app!
Would YOUR kid enjoy being featured on the podcast?
Adults, please use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:
their FIRST NAME (or another first name),
their AGE, and
a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)
Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)
Think About It Questions to discuss with your child
What are some ways that you are a good friend? (Hint: what do you do to show your friends you like and care about them?)
Why is it sometimes hard to be a good friend?
Thinking about the different friendship areas Dr. Friendtastic highlighted, fun, support, closeness, and handling conflicts, which do you think is the hardest to do well? Why?
What could you do to try to become an even better friend? (Think about all the areas and questions mentioned in the podcast episode.)
Transcript
Hi, there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ.
This is our last episode for 2023, but don’t worry! I’ll be back in January.
If you have a question about making and keeping friends that you’d like me to answer, go to DrFriendtastic.com, and click on the podcast tab to see how to submit your question.
Instead of answering a kid question today, what I’d like to do is talk about how to be a good friend. It’s easy to notice whether someone else is or isn’t being a good friend, but it’s useful, sometimes, to stop and think about how we’re doing, what we offer our friends.
Now, being a good friend is not about just doing one thing. There are four main friendship areas I’d like us to talk about. As I go over these areas, think about what you already do and also what you’d like to do more, to be an even better friend.
The first area is FUN. Kids make and keep friends by doing fun things together. So, think about:
Do you suggest ideas of fun things to do with friends?
Do you invite your friends to get together with you outside of school or organized activities?
Are you open to doing things your friend wants to do?
When you’re together, are you usually cheerful?
When you lose a game with a friend, do you handle it well?
A second important area for being a good friend is SUPPORT. This is about being there for your friends when they need you.
Do you share and take turns with your friends?
Do you offer to listen to your friends when they’re upset?
Do you help your friends in practical ways, when you can?
Do you stick up for friends when someone is being mean to them?
Do you keep your promises to friends?
A third area for being a good friend is CLOSENESS. We all want to feel that our friends know and value us. As you get older, confiding in your friends becomes more important. But good friends also make room for their friends to have other friends.
Do you tell your friends about what you’re thinking or feeling?
Do you listen to your friends and remember what they like or don’t like and what’s going on in their life?
Are you trustworthy? Do you keep your friends’ private information just between the two of you?
Do you do things to make your friends feel special and show you care?
Do you accept it when your friends have other friends?
The final area for being a good friend is dealing with CONFLICTS. Arguments, disagreements, mistakes, misunderstandings...these happen in every friendship! The way you handle those friendship rough spots can determine whether your friendship lasts. So think about:
When you and a friend have a disagreement, do you compromise? (That means meeting in the middle, so you do partly what they want and partly what you want.)
When you feel mad or hurt by something your friends do, can you tell them without being mean?
Do you stop doing something when your friend asks you to stop?
When your friend is upset by something you said or did, do you apologize?
Are you able to forgive your friends for not being perfect?
Being a good friend takes effort and practice. It’s not always easy but trying to be a good friend makes it more likely that others will respond to you in friendly ways. The most important thing to remember is that kindness is the key to friendship.
This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. Wishing you a happy and friend-filled New Year!
The Dr. Friendtastic newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.
How to Be a Good Friend